I am a 37 year old female in my seventh year of healing. I was molested at 8 by my biological father. During this time I developed an infection and was taken to my pediatrician by my maternal grandmother (not sure why my mom didn't take me). One day after riding my horse, my aunt (mom's sister) noticed that I seemed quiet and asked me what was wrong...I began to cry uncontrollably and she asked if it was about my dad, and I shook my head yes..how did she know this?? When my mom came to get me she seems angry and said "they (her parents) already don't like your dad"....WHAT???? I'm fucking 8 years old and your mad at ME!! Aren't mothers suppose to protect their young? But, then my FATHER was the one who molested me! The Alpha protector, so I thought. My mom's parents came to get me and I stayed with them a couple days. Well, my dad denied it and my mom believed him. She had a psychiatrist come to the house - who happened to be my friend's dad! Needless to say, I said nothing! I wouldn't even look at him..AND, if my memory serves, my dad was in the other room! Can you imagine? So, I've spent the majority of my life pretending that it didn't happen because I saw that no one was going to do anything about it - I had no voice. I had to shove all of my emotions deep down in order to cope. I had to live with this person until I was 17! And, my mom had another child with him! How sick is that?! By-the-way, that child is now about to be a single mother at 21. I have a brother who is almost 32 and has four children, and no job. We turned out really great, didn't we? Ha! My dad and brother are drug addicts/alcoholics. My mother is so co-dependent it makes me sick! I have not spoken to her since July. I've been in therapy for two years and on anti-depressants off-and-on for at least 15 yrs. I was recently diagnosed with fibromyalgia and I know it's from the constant stress of bottling my emotions for 20+ years. I have IBS, GERD, anxiety, depression, chronic pain and fatigue. I go to physical therapy twice a week and psych therapy once a week. If I had not moved away from my hometown 7 years ago I don't think I'd be here on this earth anymore. My boyfriend doesn't realize it but, he saved my life. Literally.
I have a really hard time around the holidays. I mourn that I don't have the close-knit family to hang-out with and enjoy. I get panic attacks when I think of going back to visit, so, usually I don't.
My dad's sister called me yesterday to ask if was coming for Christmas so she could make plans for her and my grandma to see me. She asked if I would be comfortable going to "Uncle Dale's" and I said no. She then asked "why don't you like Kathy and Dale anymore"**
**sidebar: my uncle Dale is my dad's brother, who molested HIS daughter.
I told her it wasn't Kathy but, that nothing was ever talked about regarding my dad and uncle about the molesting and that I'm in therapy and going through a lot of hurt and anger to which she replied: "Well, I hope you get over it because it seems like it's been a couple years."
Well I wrote her an email today because after I hung up with her yesterday I cried off-and-on for about 5 hours! I needed her to know how much that comment hurt me and how ignorant it was!
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